Monday, June 27, 2005

Responding to "My Boyfriend Won't Sleep With Me"

(Blogger Note: This is a response to a lady who wrote that she felt so uncomfortable with her size and that her weight was making her unattractive to her boyfriend. CLICK HERE FOR ORIGINAL MESSAGE from

Beauty and attraction is so relative that you might not solve every problem with a lap band. One man's obese girlfriend is another man's BBW princess. BBWs are "big beautiful women" and in certain circles they have no trouble filling their dance cards. My biggest fear in having the lap band surgery was that I would no longer be sexually attractive to my husband who always preferred women between 300-400 pounds.

I'm not saying everyone needs to be that large to be sexy, but I am finding that sexual attraction remains as size changes if there's somethings at the foundation other than an "ideal size."

If you feel like a fat pig at a size (guessing) 26, will you still be a pig at size 16 when you pass size 12s? Many size 12s feel like oinkers as they pass those cute little size 6s.

Unless you can guarentee you will become your ideal size, you need to address the issues that make you "feel ugly" and unwanted.

When my husband brought me a thong in a size 26, I wore it and I WORE IT WELL. Now, I've found a way to radiate the same beautiful as my size changes.

I'll never be disappointed because I'm not getting sexier -- I'm getting healthier. Sexy can't be bought off the rack and my beauty starts with my confidence in who I am.

Good luck in finding acceptance where you are. Sorry if this doesn't sound supportive, but you will find lots of folks who will agree that you couldn't possibly look good in a thong. After the thong comes off (if it does), we all look the same in the dark. I just happen to feel the same way when the light comes on.

You will need this aggressive confidence and spirit sometime before the scale says you are not a "fat pig" anymore.

My best to you in your journey.



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