"I'm not losing weight quickly any more, I hurt all the time, I need to get back to work, boo-hoo, boo-hoo ..."
Sometimes, you just come to the realization that some people care, some people don't give a rat's hindy and, in the end, sometimes neither will make a difference in one's fate. It's August 2005 and I have to decide how much "I" care and if I can step up one more time.
Let's review the last 11 months:
I must say, for a person who never liked to pose for pictures, I've done a good job at getting on the other end of the camera. I still hate what I see, but I've learned to use it as motivation and assessment of progress.
My favorite is still pictures with my family, like the one on the right in our WalkAmerica T-shirts. For more information about our "walk" activities, click HERE.
I wish that I could have lost more weight, but I didn't expect 6 surgeries, a major staph infection and months of wound issues all in one year. Some people might think I'm lucky just to be alive. They are partially right, I just know that "luck" had nothing to do with it. I can look back and see how blessed I have been. \0/ (my code for "praise the Lord!")
I have some restriction (Ok, a small fill) in my lap band, but it's more than enough to get me moving again. While I was unfilled, I stalled like a rock in pudding and then I had a 3-pound loss right before SupaDoc put a 1/2 cc in my lap band and we are hoping that will help me lose without aggravating the swallowing and eating problems I have when my abdominal area swells due to fluid collection.
So, what can I not change? There's no end in sight to my GYN-related problems. I had an ultrasound yesterday that showed my largest ovarian mass seems to have shrunk from 8 to 5 cm. The test, however, showed that I have numerous, but small fibroid tumors. All of those growths -- cysts, tumors, scaring -- are things which are slow to get resolved. I've seen two GYNs and one GYN oncologist and none were interested in getting rid of any of this. Now that the biggest mass is shrinking, I'm sure we are back to the "wait" phase. I'm actually Ok with that and I'm going to try not to lament those problems too much, try to get pain management under control and give myself several "cut-free" months.
What can I change? I've honestly been lax in my eating habits for about a month. I skipped meals, got into a Burger-quicky-meal mode at times and I've not walked because I'm hurting a lot. I gotta get back on track and keep a close eye on carbs and "cook" my own protein. My eggplant adventures are continuing and they make fancy low-carb dishes fun. This week, I made a seafood au gratin with fried eggplant medallions. The seafood was crawfish, crab meat and shrimp in a cooked-down Alfredo base. I let my eggplant sit in thin pancake batter before rolling in Italian breadcrumbs. I served it with a small portion of my Festive Veggie Saute.
I must get active again. It's going to hurt -- that's just life. I'm walking in another Walkathon next month and I gotta get back to being able to handle the occasional horrible pain and at least walking everyday. (Join The Walk From Obesity - Louisiana)
I'm also hoping to get back into a full-time working routine. I think eating well will be harder if I go back to work as opposed to working mostly home, but a stricter routine and that added discipline may be just what the doctor ordered. I do know one thing for sure: I'm so broke, my Bologna has one first name! It's time for less surgery and more work.
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Mixing an article on hernias and weight-loss surgery was not my idea. Props to Nikki Johnson, managing editor of Bariatrics Today/ObesityHelp Magazine. Nikki is another person who's helped turn my last year into a journey (with new professional challenges) instead of a nightmare. (Meow! to you, Nikki)
I'm going to try to keep this blog uplifting and informative. Ya know life isn't always kind, but I will continue to simply play the hand I'm dealt. My favorite word will continue to be: