Saturday, July 02, 2005

Reflections On A Bad Day

(Blogger Note: This was originally a post to the message boards. I've edited out a few typos)

I've waited until this day was nearly over to post my reflections on a truly awful time to be me.

My baby's puppy died. Buster was very symbolic in my weight-loss journey because he showed up in October and we estimate he was born about the time I was banded. As I lost weight, Buster found it. At 6-7 months, he was 70 pounds and now he was nearly 80 pouds up as I was nearly 80 pounds down.

Being sick and alone with my toddler, I've not been able to take really good care of him lately. Ironically, he died while my husband was home. The doggie seemed to have gotten caught up in some brush and strangled on the line.

I sent my baby to daycare and then started making calls for help with his bloating and heavy body. I considered yanking my JP drain tube out to take care of him, but I can't lift the weight I've lost.

After the public works crew left with Buster, the last 10 months of pain, changes, surgeries (6) and struggles seem to hit home. I have all the best excuses in the world, but I've let my little girl and her big doggie down and at times it was too hard to bear. Life is strange, I've lost four of my own children in my six-year marriage, but I'm sure I cried more today than at any other time. It's not that I didn't mourn my precious children. It all came tumbling down as I called office after office because "I can't move my baby's puppy." What next?

Food was available during this horrible day. My husband had breakfast at McDonalds when I dropped him to work and Greek for a late lunch, but I wasn't tempted. I probably didn't eat enough today, but I have no appetite when in pain. Once I got some meds in me, I was able to enjoy a nice eggplant snack with my family late tonight.

I harbor no ill will toward the band, but this sickly, thinner Frances is not the woman I feel comfortable with. I like going, going and creating and conquering. I know that HE will be strong in my weakness, but being "needy" continues to be one of the greatest challenges of my life.

I'm sorry that this doesn't seem to be about food and the band, but it is about me. My food adventure this week, is, however, trying to find ways to substitute eggplant for starches like pasta, potatoes and rice. Any eggplant recipes will be appreciated.

As always, please continue to pray for Cece, Scott and I. Our life is like the eggplant dishes -- constantly changing.



Buster "Jo-Busta" Spencer 2004-2005

My support system -- I've been blessed by the wonderful support of bariatric pre- and postops from the boards of In this case, I would like to offer all the comments and suggestions I got in response to this post. CLICK HERE TO READ COMMENTS.

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